i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
