can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
