in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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