Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
