I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
