Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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