You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
