Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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