Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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