u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
