That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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