I accidentally burped into my bong.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
