I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
