I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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