No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
