I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
