You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
