every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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