Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
