Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
