Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
