thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
