i just had sex bonerless
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
