Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
