i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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