I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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