I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
