We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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