I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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