Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
