Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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