I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
