So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
