you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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