If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
