Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
