So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
