remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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