and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
