i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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