i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
