so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
