a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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