You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
