I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
