marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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