Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
