I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
