She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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