I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
