Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
