I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
