Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
