The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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