Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
