I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize