Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
