If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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