You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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