i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
