oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
