guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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