I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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