everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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