the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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