At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
