yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
