He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
