I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
