I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
