don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
