Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
