My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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