also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
