i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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