i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
