it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
