i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
