I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
