I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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